Embracing Ikigai: Finding Purpose in the Journey of a Doctor

💭 Thoughts of the week

This week has been tough for me as a doctor. Unfortunately, a few of my oncology patients have passed away.

I thought it might be interesting to write about the emotional aspect of these experiences as a doctor. Despite the mental toll it takes, I still chose to pursue this career for reasons that go beyond what people might expect.

One patient I had been caring for declared himself for palliation a few days ago. He was a gentleman with a diagnosis of metastatic disease who came to us with bacteraemia. We were trying to manage his condition, but the hospital faced a series of complications that delayed his discharge, resulting in an eight-week stay.

Sadly, his condition deteriorated further this week, and radiological tests revealed that his tumor had progressed to a point where further medical intervention would be futile.

On that day, I entered his room. I have to admit, after caring for him for weeks, we had developed a friendship. People may say that it is the doctor who accompanies the patient's journey, but sometimes, it can be the other way around too.

He was also part of my journey as a doctor.

"I don't think I can win this time," I told him.

I disliked the way people often talk about "fighting cancer" or "winning against cancer." Sometimes, cancer is just incredibly difficult to overcome, and we have to learn to live with it and face the mortality it brings.

To be honest, I had a personal connection with this patient. Deep down, I truly hoped that he would somehow recover from his acute illness so that we could provide him with treatment and help him live longer. He had shared with me on a few occasions during ward rounds that he still had many things he wanted to do.

"I don't think we've lost either, my friend," he told me.

"I think this time, I just have to accept what nature has in store for me."

He passed away a few days later, but I will never forget what he said.

Being a doctor, and the struggles

Doctors have always been regarded with higher social status compared to the general population, primarily due to their role as healers. We carry the responsibility of multiple lives on a daily basis, making decisions that can have a profound impact, all while trying to maintain a personal life with our families and friends.

Undeniably, the stakes are high.

However, there are times when no amount of financial reward can justify the mental stress we endure during the work week. We struggle with our mistakes, doubt ourselves, and often work overtime due to staff shortages in hospitals.

So, why do I continue in this profession when there are so many other options available in today's interconnected world?

And I believe that's where Ikigai comes into play.

Ikigai and its meaning for me

Ikigai is an interesting Japanese concept that translates to "the reason for living." While it's difficult to define the purpose of life on Earth, I've come to realise that having a specific purpose is crucial for a fulfilling life. This idea is similar to logotherapy, as discussed by Viktor Frankl in his book Man's Search for Meaning.

As a medical student, I often heard the cliché answer of "wanting to help others" when asked why someone wants to become a doctor. However, for me, helping others has become the most important and prioritized aspect of my life. Take the above patient, my main goal was to help him recover enough to at least go back home and spend time with his partner and children. It became clear afterwards that going home was no longer an option when he further deteriorated. This was a truth that both he and I had to accept.

When he eventually left, his family members expressed their gratitude for the care I provided. They mentioned that he had a lot of trust in me and never doubted my management decisions. It was comforting to know that I made a positive impact in his last moments.

I felt a mixture of sadness and happiness. I questioned whether I had failed him by not being able to help him return home, but deep down, I understood that it was beyond my control.

Ultimately, I found solace in the fact that I played a role in his life journey. Sometimes, knowing that we matter to our patients is the greatest reward in our profession.

For me, that is my Ikigai - the ability to help others and contribute to their desired way of life.

What about you? What is your Ikigai? What drives you and gives you purpose in life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

✍🏻 Quote for the week